I’ve been back home since February, but have been reluctant to share anything new. There’s no logical reasoning behind the reluctance, but maybe fear would be the best way to describe it. I am an INFJ, and a have a decent working knowledge of how people work. Unfortunately, I have a very poor understanding of how I work. For months I was verbally and emotionally abused on a daily basis (while I was away from home recently, that is). From the first week of October until around the second or third week of February. I know for certain many people have it worse, and to those who would say that to me, what I went through is not up for their interpretation.
The biggest issue is that I don’t know how to go from constant fear on a minute by minute basis to a healthy mental state. I’ve seen a therapist once recently, and plan to continue that. However, the whole reason I’ve dusted off my blogging hat, is that my wife is taking my kids on a trip back to the hell we just got out of. Her reasoning is that her mom is in a really bad place (depression and entirely unstable), and I can understand that. I’m not an unreasonable guy, and knowing her instability definitely explains the abuse she dealt me constantly. But she thought it would be a great idea to bring my kids along on this trip.
Can any of you imagine saying in the same sentence, “my mom is unstable, so I’m going to take my kids to go visit her.” Am I the one at fault for thinking that’s more than a bit nuts? (You can answer that honestly, because the arguments I’ve had with my wife lately have been making me question that.) I would feel better about this if my wife wasn’t arguing and acting the same way that she did while we were there with her parents. She is the reason that we had to stay. It was a prison for me. Now, the person that agrees with the facts about returning for a vacation with my abuser is planning on going anyway. I’m hurting folks. I’m sorry the substance of this post is so personal, but I hope you can understand why this is something that is inescapably on my mind. Please pray..